Q: What is specialty coffee? Is it like a secret society, but for caffeine addicts? A: Ha, that would be cool! But no, specialty coffee just refers to coffee that's been rated 80 or above on the 100-point Specialty Coffee Association scale. It's like when your mom says you're a special snowflake, but for beans. Want to try coffee? Hit this button.
Q: Why should I pay more for specialty coffee if I can get a cup of mud for $2 at the gas station? A: That's like asking why you should pay more for a Tesla when you can get a golf cart for $2 at a garage sale. Sure, they both get you places, but one does it with style and luxury. Besides, gas stations don’t clean their coffee machines. You are likely drinking coffee with human poop.
Q: What's the deal with pour-over coffee? Is it just a pretentious way to make me wait longer for my caffeine fix? A: Hey, if you want your coffee fast, go suck on a caffeine pill. Pour-over is like slow-dancing with your coffee - it takes time, patience, and a little bit of skill, but the end result is pure magic. In fact, buy a Chemex. Get with the times!
Q: Is it really necessary to grind coffee beans fresh every day? Can't I just use the bag of grounds I bought last month? A: Only if you want your coffee to taste like paper mache mixed with regret. Freshly ground coffee is like a kiss on the cheek from a unicorn - it's rare, magical, and totally worth it. Sign up to our newsletter to get 13% OFF Your First Purchase. And buy a bag of coffee for your yourself, partner or friend. Do you even have friends bro? If so, hook them up already. Stop talking from them and start giving back.
Q: I keep hearing the term "third wave coffee". Is this like the third eye, but for coffee drinkers? A: Close, but nope! Third wave coffee is all about celebrating the unique flavors and origins of different coffee beans, instead of just trying to pump out as much caffeine as possible. Think of it like a travelogue for your taste buds. But it’s also like a cult. Third wave coffee drinks are kinda judgmental. If you buy one of those punks a bottle of Cold Brew with Oatmilk, you will instantly win them over.
Q: Okay, but can't a latte just be a latte? Do I really need to know the difference between a flat white and a cappuccino? A: Hey, you don't have to be a coffee sommelier to enjoy a good latte. But understanding the nuances of different coffee drinks is like knowing the difference between wine and grape juice - sure, they're both made from grapes, but one is way more sophisticated and complex. Honestly, flat whites kinda’ suck. Yeah, I said it.
Q: Can I still enjoy specialty coffee if I don't like black coffee? Or will I be banished to the outskirts of CoffeeLand forever? A: Don't worry, we don't judge your taste buds! Specialty coffee can be enjoyed in all sorts of forms, from creamy lattes to iced cold brew to even flavored coffee like our cold brew with oat milk. As long as it makes you happy, that's all that matters. You know what makes us happy? When you buy our coffee and share it with your friends. In fact, when you refer our coffee to a friend and they but it…we send you money - referral program baby!
Q: What's the most pretentious thing I can say when ordering a coffee from a hipster café? A: Hmm, tricky one. How about "I'll have a pour-over, but can you make it with beans that were harvested in the moonlight?" That should get you some cred.
Q: Can I still call myself a coffee lover if I sometimes drink instant coffee? A: Of course you can! Look, we all have our guilty pleasures - some people like to watch bad reality TV, some people like to eat McDonald's, and some people like to drink instant coffee. It doesn't make you any less of a coffee lover; it just makes you human.
Q: Is it possible to have too much coffee? Asking for a friend. A: Hmm, define "too much". If you're vibrating so hard you can time travel, or you start hearing colors, or you're convinced you can telepathically talk to your cat, then yeah, maybe dial it back a bit. But otherwise, coffee on, my friend!
Q: Wait…my question wasn’t answered! Who do I contact? A: Damn, okay, hit-up the owner Paul on his Mom’s cell phone. You can text him too. Wait, why I’m I typing this in the third person…cos it sounds more professional, Paul…oh, that’s right. Here is the number: 3109011282. In fact, Venmo Me $5.00 also for my time and effort. And please connect with me on Venmo and Instgram @trinityCBC - might as well homie: